I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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