Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
