I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize