Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
