We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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