I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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