i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
