you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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