So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
