Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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