2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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