he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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