It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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