just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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