She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
