New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
