Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
