Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
