I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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