Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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