you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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