he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
