When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
