I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
