I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
