Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
