I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
