Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
