Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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