there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
