hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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