I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
