Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
