Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
