Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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