Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
