You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
