soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
