I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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