Cold hands, warm shart.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
