So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
