Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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