Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think I sprained my soul last night
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
