i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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