I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
