she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize