I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
