The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
