Please, let me fuck your mom
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
