lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
