I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i think my tv is drunk
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
