so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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