All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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