Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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