That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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