Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
