I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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