Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
