Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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