UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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