Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
