When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
