so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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