Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize