My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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