I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
