Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
