3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
