I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
