you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
