she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Will exercising make me less horny?
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