Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
