I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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