The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Michael Bay diarrhea
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
