hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
