My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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