yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
