You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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