He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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