Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
