And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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