i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize