dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
