at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
MIDGETS
????
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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