party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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