How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
